Dear readers,
I’m going to be blunt, I’m going to go straight to the point: Paul is not my best friend anymore. And I sort of do not want to have anything to do with Sonic Passion anymore.
When I first met Paul I was like 17, before web-fame. It was on a Sonic forum and he had this gorgeous avatar of himself and Amy posing together. It was the first time I’d see such a serious relationship from a person to a video-game character. I loved him without knowing him, because we were so alike, we shared similar interests. Yeah I loved him even though he didn’t love me. Why? Because being loved/loved back has never been important in my life (guess I would not have picked Sonic as a husband if it was, right?). Well, as time passed we became friends, even best friends. We loved each other with all of our heart. We had so many things in commun, we bonded over animals which we both liked, we were inseparable.
Then I discovered he were liying to me, about just silly things, he lied to me all the time, it hurt my feeling. But I forgave him, I’m a good person, a very forbearing person. But it sort of kept on happening over and over no matter how many time I forgave him. Then I realized how much he was childish and irresponsible, he didn’t listen to me, he didn’t listen to any of my advices, he just commited errors on errors. He kept on messing with his sites, and indirectly messing with me, as I was part of his sites. He were always doing absurd things as purshasing 5,00000 domain names and not paying his hosting fees. As time went on his foolishness and childish attitude kind of put me off. And I’ve started separating from him. I would log in to MSN just one time a month, just to say hi…While in the past we used to spend hours chatting together everyday.
I know he was sad, I know he missed me, but what else could I have done? Talking to him were like talking in the void. Sure we could talk about games, about our virtual loves etc. But each time I tried to change his behaviour he would say “Yes, I understand, I will never do it again”. But he kept on being irresponsible, no matter how much I argued, no matter how much I screamed. My efforts remained futile.
I was sad and angry, but I still loved him, I still spoke to him from time to time, and I still visited his sites. May it be once in a blue moon…Untill yesterday. Yesterday he really went too far, I can not take it anymore. I’m sorry, but I just can not take it anymore. He just went TOO far in matter of irresponsibility and childishness. So puerile…I’ve spent years warning Paul about his irresponsible behaviour, I spent years trying to help him overcome it. But apparently I’ve just wasted my time. He’s proved it to me very well yesterday…
Then we’ve had a massive argument, I’ve screamed at him and stated it was the end of us, that I was out of his life. And I asked him to delete me from his forum. Then I said farewell, and he’s deleted my account. He was mad at me, he thought I was being unfair, that all that happened wasn’t his fault. Then he’s screamed “Whatever you want you’ll get it!!” and logged off MSN (or blocked me). Then I found out he’s also deleted the entry I had on Toonopedia (which of course, I’ve never asked him to do)…
Before we broke, I called him a fucking idiot, then screamed “serve you right!!!”. Which was an awful thing to do I admit it. I never call people names because it’s low and degrading, and I don’t have to judge people. But Paul wasn’t “people”, he was my best friend, it was just beyond me. It’s forbiden to be rude to strangers, but this rule differs with your close friends. It’s not the first time I insulted him anyway, but even when I scream he wont understand, so let alone normal speeshes.
Paul is a good person, he has a big heart, his relationship with Amy seems similar to mine with Sonic, but that’s about all. I now know that depite this, we are very very different persons. Paul is childish, irresponsible and credulous. He is very naive and shakeable. I am the total opposite. Both of our lives have now become incompatible. But I don’t want Paul to suffer, I don’t want him to be unhappy, he doesn’t deserve that. I don’t hate Paul and NEVER will. During all these years I’ve screamed at him and told him off for his sake. I wanted him to acknowledge his mistakes, I wanted to make him a stronger person. Now I know I’ve failed.
Then last night, as I prayed God, I’ve asked him to forgive me. To forgive all the mean words I had said to Paul. What hurts me the most is that our friendship came to an end on the day of his birthday. It really made feel guilty, I am so sorry that I’ve hurt his feelings, I am so sorry to have wasted his birthday. But after all maybe I was wrong, perhaps Paul is happy with his behaviour, maybe I’m being too judgemental…Right now it’s not like if it mattered anymore anyway. Our friendship belongs to the past, and I know I should never look back. Farewell Paul, I hope you will be happy. And if you ever come accross this blog, then I think it is my duty to tell you this one last time:
1)Never trust anyone, appart from God.
2)It’s okay to be crazy, as long as you’re intelligent.
3)If you want to become famous, make yourself unapproachable.
4)It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.
5)Nobody ever did, or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices.
6)It’s no good being credulous and naive. There’s no good in that at all. You’ve got to do it all yourself, and you’ve gotta learn quick. And you can’t look for sympathy either.
7)Good luck Paul, I hope you will have a happy life.
As I said, I am also separating from Sonic Passion. I am not going to go into details but I definitely will never post any shocking content of any sort on the internet anymore, including on Sonic Passion. I want to keep that for TV. You are of course still welcome to purchase as many accounts as you like at Sonic Passion, but it will only be to see archives. My contents are not going to be renewed, my contribution to Sonic Passion is now discontinued. My involvement is terminated. It will be also impossible to interreact with me by any mean. I’ve made my decision, and several factors have motivated this decision. Let just say I got sick and tired with my members, they haven’t lived up to my expectations.
Please, try to understand, I do not want to be known as the furry queen and only the furry queen all my life. So many people would never grow out of that…I want to become so much more than that. I am grateful for all the blessings and opportunities God has granted me in life, but I think he does have even bigger plans for me. My life is all about heaving myself up higer and higher. As astrogolers had stated on my astral study:
“Your determined attitude, and your irresistible desire to play an
increasingly important role in the position you hold, are major assets
for the actual achievement of your goals. You want to shine forth and
to heave yourself up, always higher and higher. There are real
indications of fame, provided that other elements of your chart concur.”
I know that all my life people will exclusively and primarily recognize me as Sonic’s wife and that’s the most important, because it’s who I am, because gaming/virtual reality is the world I belong to. Never forget where you’re coming from. But, I am before everything a World Conqueror, it’s in my genes, and I’ve conquered the furry world age ago now. I am so happy to be in the position I am right now, I am so happy for all the marketing oppertunities and special treatments I have received and definitely intend to use it as a springboard to rise above everything.
Life is all about being empowered, even the richest people want something hard to get. If they have one Rolls-Royce, they fantasize about having two. If they have a closet full of Chanel, they want a closet full of Gucci. This does NOT mean that I would NOT be satisfied if I had one Rolls-Royce and a closet full of Chanel. I am simply explaining you that I will always try to improve my life and to rise above.
Just remembering that I may not know the plans God has for me but I know that he loves me and has what’s best in mind. And even when I’m feeling so distraught, starting on this new life, I am reminded that I’m not alone. I have my wonderful God/Father, and all the wonderful things he has granted me so far.
So, for now I’ll be away, working on my own.
Praise God.